Tips For Reconnecting After Childbirth
by Cynthia Loyst
Award-winning sex educator, advice columnist, and TV personality. Bestselling Author and creator of Find Your Pleasure
Follow @cynthialoyst and @fypleasure
If you are a new mother or about to be, congratulations! You are about to embark on one of the most incredible journeys of your life.
Someone once described the process of becoming a parent to me as an expansion of the capacity of your emotions. What they meant was that the potential for joy grows exponentially as does the potential for sorrow. It’s a roller coaster for sure but also intensely meaningful.
So with this roller coaster of emotions and hormones that are undoubtedly surging through your body, it’s easy to forget what likely helped bring this little creature into your life - love of your partner!
Restore Bra in Grey Orchid
So how do you start to reconnect intimately after baby? Here are some tips:
THROW OUT THE RULES
Your doctor may give you the all clear for penetrative sex after 6 weeks but you might be like, “Hells no” at that time. This is totally fine and completely normal!! Only you get to decide what feels right for your body and if at that six week mark you are not there, give yourself a huge break.
REDEFINE SEX
New mamas are often sleep deprived, overwhelmed and often “touched out” from hours of having a baby attached to them. So don’t forget there are other ways to connect with your partner besides intercourse. I remember one of the most beautiful and intimate experiences I had post baby was when my partner literally fed me food while I was nursing our son. For you, maybe you would love to have a bath while your partner brings you a glass of wine, maybe you want to try to watch an episode of your favourite show together, maybe you just want to drift off to sleep while your partner rubs your feet - remember intimate connection goes far beyond sex.
EXPRESS YOURSELF
While you are experiencing a collision of emotions, your partner may be going through a lot too. They may be feeling equally overwhelmed or useless. They may also feel lonely or fearful they will never get their partner back like things used to be. The more you can communicate how you are feeling the better.
If you need more help, ask and let them do.
If you aren’t interested in sex, remind them that you still love them and when you are ready you will let them know.
If you are interested in sex, remember that things may feel a little vulnerable at first. Don’t be afraid to slow down and/or stop when things don’t feel right! Things may be a little dryer especially if you are breastfeeding so remember lube is your friend!!
FIND THINGS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD
Your body has gone through some major changes mama! Instead of focusing on the things that look different, remind yourself what an incredible thing your body has done. You made a baby!! That’s incredible!!
Find things to put against your skin that not only feel good to the touch but also make you feel your best. I’m going to suggest Bravado’s Restore bra – I WISH I had this after I gave birth. Not only is it the softest material I’ve ever felt in a bra – it gently supports (while being wire-free and hardware-free – GASP! – for extra comfort) and is also super stretchy, allowing it to give easy access for nursing (no annoying snaps, hooks or wire).
It is also sustainable and looks really pretty with its plunging neckline and comes in dusty peony, black, dusk and antique white. I promise you it will serve you well beyond your early mom years.
Restore Bra in Antique White
From this mom to you, I’m here to say that all the clichés are true: the days are long but the years are short. So just try to remember to enjoy each moment as much as possible – and don’t be afraid to take time out to remember who you were before baby.
